Leaving Las Vegas (Bringing the girls)

On last Wednesday, we left early morning for our first trip to the City of Angels since 2016. Flashback to 2016- Hannah was 6 months old.  It was Hannah's first summer, so we freeloaded with Amanda to her conference.  It didn't take too much convincing (the conference was across the street from Disneyland). 

By the end of the trip we just took, it would be the longest amount of time that both Amanda and I spent away from Hannah in her life. 

Hannah has loved Mickey forever.

We made it to LA.  Amanda and I stopped in Santa Monica before we went out to the conference.  I made sure to let everybody know why I was there.  I wore my an Audrey shirt and my Audrey pin that my colleagues made for us at the beginning of last school year.  We jumped back into the car and met Brad, Sam, and Jason for dinner in West Hollywood at the farmer's market.  

We weren't in Anaheim this time.  We were in downtown LA.  We were at the Partners against Mortality in Epilepsy (PAME) Conference.  When we got to the conference, we found Audrey at the memory wall.  

The conference was very helpful.  We have been engaged with causes important to Audrey over the last 16 months.  Amanda and I are both on the board for the Superhero Center for Autism.  We helped out with the Our Hearts are Home (OHAH) bereavement of children conference in October.  Every year (that is really weird to hear), starting  last year, we have given money to causes in Audrey's name.  We have done this before all other Christmas presents.  This year, we donated to CURE Epilepsy and Danny Did Epilepsy foundation.  But, we definitely didn't jump in to the Epilepsy community the way we did with the Autism community and the way we jumped in with the faith based child loss community.  It was really an education.  Wednesday was family day, which was led by family advocate groups related to epilepsy related mortality.  Thursday was led by doctors and their research in the area.  The amount we learned paired up with the contacts we made were a lot.  We met parents of few kids who were Audrey's age and passed around the same time.  

I remember watching Disney Channel's Descendants laying in bed with Audrey in the spare room just before her 2nd stay in the hospital .It was during Audrey's 2nd long term stay at the hospital that I remember hearing about Cameron Boyce.  He died of Sudden Death in Epilepsy (SUDEP) after just his fifth known seizure.  That was one of those reality check moments.   

Seeing friends and parents of Cameron talk about Cameron reminded me of the time that I learned about him and my understanding of the epilepsy world expanded more.

On the way out of LA, Amanda took me to her old stomping grounds.  The Union Rescue Mission, The Dream Center, and other places that she has told me stories about.  Then we drove to Dodger Stadium.  

I felt Audrey with me while posing with Tommy Lasorda's #2.  She would have said "Twooo," her favorite number.

 Even the sugar skull at Dodger Stadium reminded us of the Sugar Skulls we made for Audrey on Dia De Los Muertos.

From there, Mandy drove through Echo Park and Glendale on the way to the airport.

We flew to Las Vegas.

We hadn't been to Vegas in 10 years, and it changed a lot.  It was weird to see that so much had changed.  We saw a show, went shopping, ate dinner, and saw a movie at the sphere. Everywhere we went, we were reminded of Audrey and Hannah.

 

Audrey is Blue, and Hannah is Pink.

Audrey would have noticed the "baby" chopsticks holder.

There were many "Lava" (one of the girl's favorite songs) references.  From the Lava pan to the chocolate cake at the Bacchanal Buffet we had.  I also wore my Lava shirt (actually all the tee shirts and pullovers I wore all weekend had something to to do with the the girls) as I ran from our hotel all the way south to the Las Vegas Sign.  The 9 miles I ran that morning had a lot of conversations with Audrey.  It was the longest I ran in a long time, and the longest that I had talked to Audrey uninterrupted in a long time.  And because it was 5 AM in Vegas on the strip, I didn't stand out that I was talking to myself.

We finished Vegas with the Arte Museum.   It was an interactive/ augmented reality Art Museum.  Lots of lights, mirrors and screens.  We even drew Hannah and Dree in as animals as an augmented magical forest.

The week that came after our trip was honestly pretty hard.  The trip out west was augmented reality.  When we came back, it felt more real that it was Christmas and Audrey wasn't here.  The heart of the holiday season has snuck up on us, and we are about to fully engage with our second Christmas without Audrey.  Its nice to get away, but it seems to come back to the fact that Audrey isn't physically here.  It really sucks to think that we are back in reality.  The trip, and any fleeting thoughts don't make life different that Audrey isn't here.  And its not like Christmas 2 will be better than Christmas 1.  

Nothing last week was particularly terrible (other than Audrey isn't here).  But last week did suck.  One of the bright parts was getting my school mail and seeing this beautiful ornament from a thoughtful coworker.

While putting up ornaments, we felt like we didn't have enough Audrey ornaments.  This gift was one more ornament for Audrey.  Its one small thing that was right in the world, but when your world is turned upside down, one right thing is a step in the right direction.