Let it snow

 1/9/24- As I write this today, this is my view.


I have been scared for this day for about 3 months.

After Audrey passed, Hannah struggled showing emotion.  And then, one night in September, Hannah lost it.  She asked us "Who am I going to go sledding with?"  And those 8 words allowed Hannah to start to open up.  It was healthy for her to be sad that she wouldn't be able to go sledding with her sister.

Well today is the day.  At 5:15 AM, I got the phone call that the school that I work at is not having school today for the potential for inclement weather.  Then, I checked WREX, and Hannah does not have school either.  And as you can see, there is enough snow on the ground and more coming to make today a good day to go sledding.

I think back to all the memories, and its hard not to get emotional thinking about all the memories and then knowing that today will be the first snow day since Audrey.





I am still scared of the unknown.

Yesterday, as I got to school, the first email on the first day back from break was from my principal.    He wanted to let me know that during passing period of the last class of the day, he was planning on playing "Let it go" and "Do you want to build a snowman" from Disney's Frozen.  He wanted to play this music to correspond with the snow that was on the forecast and has now come.  He asked if it was okay to play this since he knew Audrey loved Frozen.  I responded affirmatively because I knew it would make me think of Audrey.  I also really felt great that my principal was thinking about Audrey too.   

This wasn't going to be the first time that I heard the songs since I last heard Audrey sing them.  I had the idea that during the Epilepsy Foundation 5k, I would listen to Apple Music Disney Princess Radio.  I think I cried more than I sweat on that 80 degree September day.  I have heard it on the countless videos that we have watched (over and over again) with Audrey dancing to them. I also heard it at  school.  That was hard, as I was by myself in the office, and I think that it caught me off guard.  

Yesterday was different.  I feel best when I think about Audrey and when others think about her.  Some of the worst days are when I am so busy I don't think about Audrey.  I can feel really drained after those. The best days are when I do some meaningful and have Audrey on my mind.  Yesterday felt nice to hear those 2 songs that have been hard.  I still had a tear in my eye as I walked down the hallway after my last class, but it felt meaningful and I was able to remember Audrey.  Thanks to everyone who reminded me of Audrey yesterday: my principal, and my friend who texted me something that reminded me of Audrey.

So, its time to go into the unknown.  Hannah is getting ready to go sledding with her friend now.   It will never be the same, but I will always think of this when  it snows.

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