2024

 

Well, its 2024.  As I look on social media, I see a lot of posts on how 2023 was and what people seek for 2024.  I couldn't bring myself to post something like this.  It's been quite a year.  I have even thought about how 2024 is already worse than 2023, because at least during 2023, I had Audrey in person to cuddle and love, but more on that later.  I reminisced a lot about this photo of Hannah and Audrey cuddling (Something they did often and was one of their favorite things to do).



So, this is a blog, and as you might imagine by the intro, it has to do with my processing my grief over the passing of my beloved Audrey.  It also is New Year's Day, the day when so many people start resolutions for a better new year.  I did resolve a few things this year.  Yes, I did start the day off by walking the dog (more on that later), and going for a short run per my annual get in better shape resolution, but I focused on some specifics related to the most important thing in my family's world right now: processing our grief.  That terminology sounds specific, and is, and I use it as that is how Hannah talks when speaking of her grief.  I am so proud of her, as she has taken classes and has really used the vocabulary and shown understanding on what grief is.  So here are my (non getting into physical shape) resolutions.

Jeff's 2024 Resolutions

1. Write more (daily since my resolution is a SMART goal and must be mesaurable)often to Audrey (I have a notebook called Letters to my Daughter in Heaven). I have written in it, but it is hard as it brings up so much, but I feel so much fuller when I do.  


2. Write more to Hannah (daily as well). I have purchased a journal called "Your Father's Story" in which I plan to write more to Hannah.  We went to a conference for bereaved parents, and I was looking for more ways to communicate with Hannah.  This seemed like a good idea as I have been trying to put so much more into writing.





Both of these 2 have pushed me to write more especially start  this blog.  This blog is titled "You Fools, You Thought You Could Defeat Dree" which was the working title of  a book that I thought I should write.  I started writing it on January 28 of 2023.  I was writing this as I was (and still am) inspired by Audrey and all that she has done (more on all of that in later blog posts).  The quote is from Walt Disney's 1959 classic "Sleeping Beauty, " Audrey's first favorite movie.  Maleficent, Aurora's foe, stated, "You fools, You thought you could defeat me, the mistress of all evil!"  And for anybody who knew Dree, they know that she is very strong and unbeatable in ways.  She definitely is the strongest soul I have met in 40 years.



3. Read 2 books a month.  During this winter break, so far I have read 2 books and started 2 more.  I haven't read much lately, and know that applying discipline to reading would help me this year.

4.  Call my parents and sister multiple times per week (They have been so helpful in the process along with many friends).  Also, I really don't call my family as much as I should for all that they do. See: Cats in the Cradle.


5. Pray daily.  My prayer life has been very consistent since praying nightly as a family during advent, but I want to continue that into 2024.

I ended it there.  Those are not the only things that I am working on, but new things that I can change behaviors for starting in the New Year.  In regards to other things that I am working on, especially processing my grief, I have taken some time to process (as I have noticed about myself, I usually take more time to process).  My wife and daughter are further along in the process than I, and I look up to them in the way that they have done that.  After returning to work in September, I feel like I have at times thrown myself into work as a distraction, and I must focus more on processing my grief in 2024.

Looking back at 2023, I do have a lot to be grateful.  It is hard to make a comprehensive list, as I would surely miss someone or something that someone did for us during this time.  Our family, friends, co workers, community, faith communities and neighbors have been their for us in many ways and we are grateful.


In ending this first post, I want to reiterate something that is very important to me.  I always want to keep Audrey with us in many ways.  I considered making this a resolution, but this is much more thana resolution, it is foundational to our family to keep Audrey with us in spirit.  In later posts, I can go over ways we have brought Audrey's spirit to our holidays and every day.  Specifically last night 40 minutes before the ball drop at 11:00, we started watching YouTube videos that Dree watched.  We found some, and they helped us feel Audrey's spirit, but man, we found some that somehow Audrey never watched, and they really brought joy to us in how much she would have enjoyed them.  Below is some of Audrey's favorite Disney characters dancing to Taylor Swift.



I should probably end the first post here to make this brief enough to read, as I could go in so many directions, and will over the upcoming weeks.  Thanks for reading and being a part of my journey.  




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