Superhero Princess

  J anuary 31- Three Days in June This was a hard post to write.  Epilepsy was a part of Audrey’s life for four years.  Over that time, there was so much to say about it.  But I chose 3 days in June 2019 that were especially difficult.  I wanted to write about them because so many people knew that Audrey had epilepsy, but I wasn’t really secure in talking about Audrey’s battle with epilepsy outside of a small circle.  After reflecting on her struggles, I realized how much of a fighter Audrey is.  This post was so hard to write because I HATE epilepsy.  But in spite of Audrey’s biggest foe, she always kept on.   June 8, 2019 I still remember the last fight that we had pre- epilepsy.  I was upset with my wife Amanda, as she had forgotten to bring the free coupons to mini golf.  We were on the hour and 6  minute drive from Rockford, Illinois to Carol Stream, IL driving down Interstate 90.  By the way I was perseveratin...

So, Jeff has been writing this blog. Truth be told, I’ve had mixed feelings about it. While I love any opportunity to talk about and celebrate Audrey, being immersed in the day to day of guilt and grief that is this season hasn’t left me wanting to be very extroverted about any of it. As someone who already runs pretty awkward and insecure in most social situations, layering grief on top just adds fuel to that fire. Grief makes your brain foggy, so suddenly I can’t think straight and my memory is shot, so I say something stupid in a conversation- cue the embarrassment. Grief drains your energy and productivity, so I take less self-care, look older, and struggle to make casual conversation- more awkwardness. The inevitable (normal) questions, “How many kids do you have?”, “What happened?”- which are totally ok to ask- I can’t seem to figure out how to answer sometimes. It’s funny how the first thing anyone says about grief is “Everyone grieves differently” and essentially, to give y...

Audrey has always been my princess.  But this is the story of how my princess became my superhero. Almost 2 years ago, Hannah had a field trip to Severson Dells.  Mandy chaperoned a field trip for Hannah.  Audrey had just been diagnosed with Autism late in 2021.  Mandy talked to one of the first grade teachers who told her about the Superhero Center. Mandy had just taken time off of work to stay home with Audrey.  We were having a hard time finding the perfect fit for Audrey.  We first visited the Superhero Center in June of 2022.  The first visit corresponded to the same month that Audrey started Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA).   We would later find out that many of her ABA therapists and ABA classmates would be a part of the Superhero Center as well. She loved it and so did Hannah.   By the fall, we were going at least once a week. Over time, Hannah learned the vocabulary and learned all about Audrey's Autism.  She learned a...

  I started writing this the day before I was to return to school a week from Sunday, but never finished it because I was preparing after not doing too much school work over break. I didn't think I was going to post this because I was too busy.  Then the snow came.  Then the wind.  Then the cold.  Over the last week, I have had 3 winter school days cancelled.  So last week, was the soft opening that businesses do before the big to do of the grand opening.  Next week is the grand opening of my second semester of school and my second semester of grieving.  Five months ago, I would not have compared grieving to an educational unit of time.  But I have learned, through classes, counseling, and reading that it is.  My first semester, I earned an incomplete. As I was going back to school last week, and as I only had 3 days of school last week, I am getting ready to really jump in to the second semester of my 19th year in education.  I was...

 1/9/24- As I write this today, this is my view. I have been scared for this day for about 3 months. After Audrey passed, Hannah struggled showing emotion.  And then, one night in September, Hannah lost it.  She asked us "Who am I going to go sledding with?"  And those 8 words allowed Hannah to start to open up.  It was healthy for her to be sad that she wouldn't be able to go sledding with her sister. Well today is the day.  At 5:15 AM, I got the phone call that the school that I work at is not having school today for the potential for inclement weather.  Then, I checked WREX, and Hannah does not have school either.  And as you can see, there is enough snow on the ground and more coming to make today a good day to go sledding. I think back to all the memories, and its hard not to get emotional thinking about all the memories and then knowing that today will be the first snow day since Audrey. I am still scared of the unknown. Yesterday, as I got ...

   So a few days before January 6, 2024, I was reading a local newspaper story about the  January 6  attack on the Capitol building in 2021.  Not sure if everybody can recite with great deal what happened prior to hearing the news. For me, I have a pretty good recollection of where I was when I heard the news.  I was at an appointment with Audrey in Madison.  We were in Madison, because Audrey had just been hospitalized in December of 2020 after a scary EEG.  The 1 hour EEG was in Rockford in December.  But when that EEG had shown significant relapse in seizures, we went up to Madison, since Audrey's Neurologist in Rockford, and all pediatric specialties were removed.     So on January 6, Audrey and I were in Madison establishing a new nurse practitioner and then her new neurologist.  We would be with this neurologist for a little over a year.  While the events of January 6 evoke strong feelings for many people, January 6 ...