Who is Dree?

This post was my third blog post about Audrey from January.  However, it rings especially true today which is "Say their name day" for lost pregnancies, infants, babies, and children.

Tonight, we will pray the children that should be here.  Over the last 7 1/2 months, we have been introduced to many other parents who have lost their children.  The 25th of March has been set aside to remember those babies and children that should be here with us.

Today (and every other day) I say her name.  Audrey Ann "Dree" Cismesia.

I have realized that while writing about Audrey, I often call her Dree.  Some may wonder, who is Dree?  Dree was the name that she called herself.   To the world, Audrey was a non-verbal autistic 5 year old.  But to the lucky ones who knew her well, know that she did communicate with her friends and loved ones.   To Audrey, she knew her identity well, she was "Dree."  While she couldn't communicate the way most people did, she very well knew her identity.  

This video is from April 1, 2023.  We were in Carol Stream celebrating my dad's (Pop Pop) birthday.  In this video, she is choreographing a conversation: "Beep Beep", "O" (Hello), "Dree".  As I think about this, she always knew who she was.  She always knew she was "Dree."  It was the outside world that was confused.

It was EVERYONE else who was confused. 

Back in October of 2017, Mandy and I proudly announced to my parents that they were going to be grandparents again when we were at the Sunny Acres Pumpkin Patch in West Chicago, Illinois.  Not too long later, my mom and sister found out that Hannah knew the name of her upcoming sister.  They were ruthless in badgering big sis to be to find out the moniker of her sister.  All their interrogations resulted in OG or OJY.

While Dree is an OG, they were confused, they didn't know her YET.

Dree was still OJY to Hannah on the day she met her.

In the fall of 2021, Mandy and I were accompanying Dree for an electroencephalogram (from now until eternity, EEG) at American Family Children's hospital in Madison, Wisconsin.  Audrey has had enough EEGs in her lifetime to fill out several blog posts, but that's not important now.  The EEG is a very complicated neurological diagnostic tool that recorded brainwaves.  Audrey had many EEGs over her stays in Rockford, Madison, Milwaukee, Winfield, and even in our own home.  Some very experienced EEG techs told Mandy that they could apply the EEG leads on Dree's head best with Mandy outside the room.

The experienced EEG techs didn't know Dree (They soon came back and asked Mandy to be in the room with her).

The neurologists with all the top neurological equipment didn't know who Dree was.

During this particular visit, in which Dree was hooked up to electrodes, we got a phone call about halfway through the 72 hour EEG.  It was a psychiatrist from the same hospital that we were in.  He thought he was calling a set of parents whom he was delivering them the news that their daughter had Autism. He seemed surprised that the parents weren't surprised or heartbroken.

He didn't know Dree.

I thought I had some answers.  I thought that my master's degree and multiple special education certifications gave me more knowledge on my then three year old daughter who had been diagnosed with a devastating rare form of pediatric epilepsy and now non verbal autism.

I didn't know Dree YET.

The autism label led us to Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) and the Superhero Center for Autism.  There, Dree flourished.  A few months later, at the Superhero Center's charity ball, we met parents of a boy who DID know Dree.  They went to early childhood together for a whole year, and they they were in the same ABA classroom for 6 months.  They had a friendship and had known each other for almost 1/2 their lives.  We just didn't speak her language.

But, Dree always knew who she IS.

She is a superhero princess who loves to dance.

She has taught me so much.  She showed me how much she knew, sensed, and loved.  When missing her gets really painful, we channel Dree any way we can, watching Disney videos (Dee Dee), dancing, cuddling, and loving each other with the enthusiasm that Dree had every day.  We also will say her name.

Wu, Dree